From the seasoned one…

Today’s tip:

Conversation is absolutely needed in a story.  But far too many times, a writer gets going on the conversation and forgets what’s happening around the characters.  When you watch a group of people talking, do they stand around and just talk?  NO!  They move, they cross their arms, roll their eyes, laugh, smile, wink, kick each other in the knee!  You get my drift, show what the characters are doing while they are talking!

Let me show you what I mean.  Here’s a bit with just conversation, no action really.

Walking into the room to find his team waiting, Keith states, “The princess will be fine.”

“I thought Lotor hurt her,” replies Lance.

“Not badly,” Keith answers, “She’ll be out of MedTech soon.”

“At least he wasn’t able to kidnap her,” Pidge adds.

Kind of boring, isn’t it?  Here’s an adapted version with actions and descriptions.

Walking into the room to find his team waiting, Keith states, “The princess will be fine.”

Relief shines on the faces of the other men as Lance replies, “I thought Lotor hurt her.”

“Not badly,” Keith answers with a shake of his head, his own relief obvious in his tone.  “She’ll be out of MedTech soon.”

“At least he wasn’t able to kidnap her,” Pidge adds, looking thoughtful.

Was that better?  The descriptions give you a better idea of what the men are doing as they’re talking.  Something to keep in mind as you write out your story.

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4 thoughts on “From the seasoned one…

  1. Thanks for posting you tips on writing. The are most insightful. There is an error, however, if your example above.
    “Not badly,” Keith answers with a shake of his head, his own relief obvious in his tone, “She’ll be out of MedTech soon.”

    To correctly state this sentence, you should have written:
    “Not badly,” Keith answers with a shake of his head, his own relief obvious in his tone. “She’ll be out of MedTech soon.”

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